I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
