Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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