When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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