Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Sorry my hands just texted you
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
