it was like his penis was on wheels.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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