apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
