halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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