Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
