i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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