His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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