I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Houston, we have a blender
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
