OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
