he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
did i just pee glitter
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
