Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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