Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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