the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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