Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
