I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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