Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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