I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
its not stalking. its research.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Randomize
