I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
