mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
