So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
he fucked my hip out of place.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize