Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
