ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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