Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
