I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize