im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
