I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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