Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
