Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
