It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
