I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
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