We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
