Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Randomize
