Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
