cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
