well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
