We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
