i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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