So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize