You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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