I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
