i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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