i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
