planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
So I just went to clothing optional bar
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
