Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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