I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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