so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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