I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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