I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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