yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
