I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
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