sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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