Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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