Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
