What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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