my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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