when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I pour the whiskey from now on
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
