I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize