You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
be right there i have to get my cape
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
