The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
