No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
