did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
