I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
