Me too!
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
