Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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