Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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