im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
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