we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
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