is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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