I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
