So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
operation have a gay friend backfired
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
