idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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