they need to just BURY HIM!
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
