I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
