So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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