FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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