I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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