Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
