This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize
