I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
what day is it and did you see me today?
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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