Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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