your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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