Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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