Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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