her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I want you more than these girls want KFC
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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