There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
