someone owes me an orgasm
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
