yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
