Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
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