Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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