i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
