she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
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