Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
