i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize