Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
