you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
