why didn't you poke me back
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
