Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
