i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
