1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
