Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
farters have to be the big spoon...
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
