The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
