By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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