He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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