dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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