Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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