peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
