i just google imaged poop.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
