Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
