I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
