her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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