Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
